Posted tagged ‘Times of porter’

A Subterraean Abroad

November 16, 2010

Porter had found a way out of the underground with the Underdowners. It was uppermost in his thoughts to be wary of large potholes as experience had made him, once bitten, twice shy. His spell in the darkness of the tunnels had made him accustomed to bad light and he regularly went for midnight walks where he could read his paper at leisure.

Sitting on a bench in the outskirts of town, the light from the plough of the Great Bear constellation gave him the brightness to peruse his Times and he studied the cricket section. Atherton’s all time Ashes XI of England players were a fine choice with one notable exception: James, Jimmy to me and you, Anderson. Lancashire’s finest was overlooked. Hope you’re taking this all in, Big Dipper, he said to Ursa Major.

Time was getting on and Porter took a shortcut through the underpass. This area was notorious for being the denizen of vagrants. As he strode through this pit of poverty, he sensed zombie like movement at his side.

“Any change, guv?” asked a bedraggled tramp.

“I don’t have any money on me,” answered Porter as another two inhabitants of this vagabond world appeared. “There’s….err….nothing opened at this time of the morning.”

A scarred individual was in no mood for excuses. “We’re open. Give us something.”

Porter checked the surroundings and all around he saw a village of deep deprivation. Cardboard boxes were used as shelter from the elements and although having no estate agent qualifications he could see a way to avert violence on himself and at the same time aid the underclass.

“New sheets for everyone. Dry and warm.” He tore the property section from his newspaper and handed it to the new home owners. Porter extricated himself from The Walking Dead by ambling away in poor imitation. His aping was that of a reject from the Thriller video.

With so many upmarket homes available trouble brewed amongst the tramps. A crisp fight broke out over who had ownership of a Tudor Farmhouse in the Cotswolds. Two men who had peed their trousers argued over a pied-a-terre. A modernist building with a swimming pool was contested by a team who hadn’t washed in years. Cardboard City had just become one of the most exclusive areas in the country.