Posted tagged ‘tabloid sensationalism’

Feathered bomber dyes the top of motormouth. No strand survives

March 30, 2015

Over here at Whizz towers we pride ourselves on our professional reporting. Unlike the tabloid press we have never ventured into the world of hyperbole and exagerration. We report the facts as they are without embellishments. And not for us trivial stories we deal with the topics that matter. It Sandy Galls us that other outlets try to entice readership in with ill-founded and made up commentary. Rest assured we will never tread that path.

One of the wife’s work friends always phones a few times a week with sensational news. All delivered at a frantic pace. And apparently, we’re not alone in receiving these action packed bulletins.  She does the rounds of many of our colleagues. Sensational news  is just a call away. The challenge for me is to decipher what the sensational news might be by the gasp factor of my wife’s replies. Factors can range from- What, no way, that’s terrible, are you sure, well I never and the most sensational of them all…gasp. Whenever she phones I let my imagination run riot about what the sensational news might be.

After the call I can’t wait to find out what the sensational news is. This turns out to be mundane minutiae along the lines of- Julie Andrews is getting bullied by the neighbourhood toughs. Danny Boy got sick when he was abroad and he had to stay an extra week costing him a lot of money. Mr Hart has lost all his wages at Hamilton racecourse and the most sensational of all…prices in the canteen have gone up.

Sooner or later I find out all these sensational news bulletins have been “sexed up” or completely wrong; she will need to check her sources more carefully. Turns out Julie Andrews is bullying the bullies and top dog in the block. Danny Boy was abroad for an extra day and Harty got a couple of winners that night. Sensationally, she was right about the canteen prices.

Last week my wife and I met this friend while shopping in town. We’d barely met when off she went on a gallop at a hundred miles an hour with even more sensational news. This discourse was very one-sided and to fight gossip with gossip I was ready to launch an imaginative sensational story of my own when …it… happened.

God knows what the pigeon had to eat that day but its accuracy was unerring. I’ve never seen such a display of bombing that was both beautiful in its delivery and devastating in the aftermath. The friend’s hair was splattered with the biggest load of pigeon waste I’d ever seen. She had turned grey in an instant. Whoever she was going to phone that night, they were going to hear some really sensational news.