Posted tagged ‘Stephen King’

Midlife Crisis #3: Horror, Horror and more Horror

November 6, 2015

Midlife is, of course, not the correct word to say. Wrinkle-free, I have yet to close in on a sixteenth (1/16th) never mind middle, of any crisis. Nonetheless, this is a critical story

The reading of first class literature can be rewarding when it is understood. Problems arise when you continue to read just for the sake of it. You can’t make horns or hooves of the narrative: the words are too complex, the metaphors too taxing, the storyline labyrinthine. This high brow culture can drown the brain waves leaving a single, elevated Roger Moore brow bobbing in the tide: yeah, you haven’t got a clue what’s going on and there’s no Barbara Bach to comfort you.

I’ve dabbled in Dostoyevsky, screamed with Bellow, downstreamed with Updike and Chucked trying to spell Palahniuk. Experimentation is over. As the Major said “it’s back to basics”. From now on, and in a reversal of midlife crisis signs, I’m not trying anything new and sticking to the tried and trusted. The only reading I’ll be doing in the future will be Stephen King.

Kingy ain’t no Poe but then again, who is? What King has got in his bulging locker is a fecundity that shames other writers. Novels, novellas, short stories, non-fiction, even pseudonyms (miss you, Pseu). There’s a huge big cannon (sic) of King literature to devour. And the  characters that exist in his multiverse mind: Gage Creed, Kurt Dussander, Annie Wilkes, The Trashcan Man. A galaxy of evil incarnate.

The only music I’ll be listening to in the future will be Queen.

The only movies I will watch will be ones that have Samuel L Jackson in them. Big Sammy is the highest grossing actor at the box office. All of The Samster’s films are good. There’s Shaft, S.W.A.T and Snakes on a Plane in there. SSSSSSSSSS. He flashed a purple lightsabre in the Star Wars prequels. SWOOOOSSSHHH. He also sneaks into a lot of Marvels which makes them eligible to watch. And in a perfect juxtapose he’s appeared in Stephen King vehicles, the haunted house thriller, 1408, with another King production on the way. The upcoming, can’t wait for it, Cell. I just need a Queen soundtrack to flow with the action and my boat has come in.

My Royal blood is happy that it has all the bases covered and all my favourites are Aces-  King, Queen and Jackson. When I told MrsW of my new venture I feared the worst. I expected the last page of all my King novels to be ripped out, my Sammy DVDs to be converted into coasters and the Queen memorabilia for sale on e-bay.

The apocalypse never happened, it was worse. Six weeks later she came back with a plan of her own. From now on all she will listen to will be Spandau Ballet. The only films she will watch will be ones with John Travolta in them and the only reading will be the Beano.

Pulp Fiction seems to be the only thing we have in common. So True, funny how it seems…