Posted tagged ‘Standard and Poor’

Don’t forget to remove your batteries

November 23, 2012

Standard & Poor’s (S&P) Ratings Services on Friday confirmed France’s double-A-plus rating, offering the beleaguered Fifth Republic’s President, François Hollande, a boost, albeit delivered from the back of the hand. This was just days after rival Moody Investors Service stripped the country of its triple-A ranking.

There’s a lot of things about this statement that make me scratch my head. What are France playing at, having a President called Hollande? The French have gone Dutch? Whatever next, I wonder? A Prodi in charge of Italy? (They’ve been there, done that, bought the gelato – sub-editor editing correction)

Move over R2D2, here’s PP3

And what’s with all the battery rating nonsense. Double A, Triple A. what happened to A, B, C? If the financial services want to use the battery standard to grade countries economies why is no one given a 9 volt PP3 rating? The PP3 series are the chunky little batteries that have a snap connector at the top. These are the Monte Carlo of batteries. Once you’ve connected a PP3 no other battery tastes the same. Snapping them into the relevant device is almost as good as popping bubble wrap. We’ll leave the Bubble wrappers anonymous story for another day.

Battery charging is one of the things that raises the mercury in me. As a non mobile phone user I never have to worry about the cell running out of juice. I don’t have a tablet, not even an aspirin, that would need re-energised. I walk this world alone, different from the rest of humanity with their chargers. If aliens from outer space landed on earth, they would send back reports to their homeland that this whole world is a planet of battery chargers. That’s, of course, if their messaging service was at full power and didn‘t cut out during transmission.

Then there’s Standard & Poor itself. They seem to exclude the wealthy from their name which is a form of discrimination. What happened to Rich? Is rich a dirty word? Why aren’t they called Rich, Standard and Poor?

While giving S&P the nod that we were going to be mentioning them in this article, they said that they have began a process of rating websites. We didn’t blink. We have nothing to fear from a poor ranking. No one in their right mind would invest in us. However, if we get a 9 volt PP3 rating there’ll be plenty knocking at our door. The Greeks will try to vow us by singing “Grease is the word” and Le Français will pucker up and kiss us on both cheeks.