Posted tagged ‘shoddy goods’

The consequences of sub-standard biscuits

February 5, 2011

To avoid bad publicity and to protect against corporate liability some manufacturers will recall defective products. In recent years the car maker Toyota has had to recall a lot of its models due to serious defects in their make-up. Toyota has never been one of my favourite automobiles as their slogan “The car in front is a Toyota” was dreamed up by me in a dream and was carjacked.

In this age of “the customer is always right” it is vital that corporations do everything in their power to guard against claims by irate consumers. It is also the age of the claimant. Many claims can instigate a knock-on effect leading to closure for many firms. Guiltily, I still get the feeling I started the landslide that led to a well-known high street retailer to close.

It is common practise for supermarkets to sell poor imitation rival goods that aped more illustrious brands. To give an example, let’s compare Asda’s Puffin biscuit with the real McCoist, McVitie’s Penguin biscuit. The Penguin is a more rewarding feast and as a bonus there’s a joke on the wrapper.

What do penguins sing on a birthday? …….. Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they fly over bays they would be baygels.

“What kinds of fish do penguins catch at night?

All jokes © blame the penguins

One day while being on the wrong side of rich I decided to buy an inferior make of Breakaway biscuits from a, at the time, leading grocer. When I got home problems occurred as soon as I ate the goods. The biscuit was faulty as it was hard chocolate all the way through. To use American idiom, there was no cookie in it. Now I knew how disgruntled from Tunbridge Wells felt. Perhaps, there was a complete bad batch of take-a-breaks.

Re-wrapping the produce in a recorded delivery envelope I vented my displeasure in a letter to the company’s complaints department. In a Jaffa, sorry I mean in a jiffy, I received a reply. A humbling apology was written to me with a cheque for the princely sum of £20. A veritable lottery win in those days. Happy with my lot, it was only a few months later when the high street giant collapsed and closed down forever. I felt as if I had flapped my butterfly wings and caused a hurricane.