Posted tagged ‘Oil’

Standing on the shoulders of Digger Barnes

October 15, 2009

At one time or another all human beings have copied or followed in somebody’s footsteps. This occurred to me while watching Discovery Channel’s Oil Prospectors programme. The series records how individual oilmen strive to find the Black Gold. Perilous and financially ruinous are two things that can happen in this dangerous and more often than not fruitless venture. However, if they hit a “gusher” they are onto untold riches. Oil is a very precious commodity as no one needs reminding.

As an expert on geography and one who can remember most of the capital cities of the world I felt I had a chance in this high stakes game and elected to become an oil baron. Apparently to be any good at Hydrocarbon exploration it is geology one must be well versed in but give or take a few letters I considered myself a master because I knew about topographical stuff.

The prospectors lugged about the country lots of heavy machinery and hi-tech geophysics computer technology. Travellin’ light was always my mode of baggage so I went rigging armed only with a spade and a bucket. But twas not the seaside I headed for it was the Campsie Mountains.

Exhausted and braving all sorts of elements I had made it a good way up the south face. This is tough work right enough so I stopped for sandwiches and water, I think I might even have dozed off. Coming to I set to on the path to my hopefully lucrative enterprise. The ground was as tough as a gear change from second to fourth but I could see cracks in the rocks appearing. I dug and dug and dug; I did more dugs than Battersea.

Then a fountain of dark brown liquid exploded from the earth. My first thought was I’ve hit a sewage pipe and covered in dark brown mucous I feared the worst; I might need to take a bath when I got home. However the substance didn’t taste like filth and I started whooping like a Red Indian as I imagined I was going to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Drinking lots of the brown Gold it dawned on me this can’t be oil. Oil is not for human consumption and like they say on the telly, don’t try this at home. Somehow I had tapped into a small Coca-Cola well and the porous soda was sinking back into the ground as the spray subsided. Utilising my bucket I managed to salvage a few litres. My Hydrocarbon experience might not have resulted the way it was planned but I drank plenty of carbonated fizz.

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