Posted tagged ‘Norse mythology’

Bechstein Debauchery

December 19, 2009

The large tree was annoying all his neighbours by overhanging onto their gardens so Barlow agreed to cut it down. Looking up at its lofty height reaching skywards and seeing as it was one fine day Barlow fancied climbing the woody plant. He was making steady progress but the sun on his back and the endless ascent were taking their toll on Barlow’s willpower.

Squinting through the dense foliage Barlow was sure this tree was unlike any other in the arboreal Kingdom. Clambering through the branches he came across land; terra firma in the sky. Barlow was dumbstruck. Had he found Heaven, Asgard, Olympus, Atlantis, El Dorado, Jurassic Park? A Giant Goliath of a man plucked Barlow up in its fist and carried him away. Jotunheim. I was well off, thought Barlow.

The behemoth and its captive entered a castle, a huge castle, and Barlow was plunked on a Grand piano. Every muscle in Barlow’s body was in agony and he was relieved when the giant left the room. Slowly he began to recover his strength as the giant re-appeared wearing a morning suit with tails, top-hat and a white tie. Addressing an imaginary audience the giant bowed and swished his tail as he sat down. The draught from his suit blew Barrow into the opening of the piano and plummeting to his doom he managed to grab onto a piano wire.

Swinging his legs to and fro Barlow caught one leg at the top of the wire. Manoeuvring in pain after spiking his other foot with the tightly strung piece of barbed wire at the edge of the inside of the piano he avoided a dangerous fall and stood erect on the thick piano wires. Visions of a rolling ball accosted Barlow’s thoughts but he breathed a sigh of relief. Wrong film, nothing like that happens to Tony Curtis in Trapeze. Then the giant hit a key.

A string moved not far from Barlow then another and another. The giant was a fluent player and Barlow’s lidded prison was filled with the sounds of the second movement of Mozart’s 21st piano concerto. Trying to remember the sequence of notes Barlow jumped back and forth along the strings dodging the vibrating ones. Dancing with the verve of Nureyev and taking it all in his stride he had forgotten about the triplet figuration and pulsating wires were everywhere as he leapfrogged for his life. The giant sneezed but carried on playing.

By now the andante inferno was blistering Barlow’s feet when a massive ream of paper which the giant had blown off the stand with his sneeze tumbled down on Barlow. This was today’s set list. And Barlow saw that the next song in the concert was Flight of the Bumblebee. He’d really be rushing about to that one and had to plan an exit stage left. The paper floated featherly under the strings and Barlow sensing a great escape jumped after the giant manuscript.   

The blanket the neighbours had stretched out caught Barlow and the refreshing and life enhancing miracle that is water was poured down his throat. Too much sun and a spot of vertigo was the considered opinion of the concerned gathering. Barlow’s delirium would not go away and the last thing anyone heard from him as the psychiatrists led him down the garden path was a snippet of the folksong immortalized by Black Lace, the Germanic cabaret classic , The Music Man. “Pi-a, Pi-a, Piano, Piano, Piano. Pi-a- Pi-a-Piano”

Later at the bottom of the large tree, long after Barlow was committed to Arkham, was found a torn off piece of paper with the word Bumblebee on it.