Posted tagged ‘MPS salaries’

Bigjohn

August 13, 2015

All the Whizz from Bizz is proud to announce a major scoop for this website. The famous columnist for the Daily Asteroid, Bigjohn, has agreed to syndicate a few of his articles for publication right here. Thanks, Bigjohn. Over to you.

All Rise for the Wizard MPs

Pay rises for MPs recently jumped from £67,000 to £74,000. A 10% increase. This was met with uproar from certain other MPs (members of the public). The salary of elected representatives should be respected by the public. We don’t want our parliamentarians living in hardship, now do we? Put the pitchforks away and cut these guys and dolls some slack. They’re only making up for lost time. From 1831 to 1965 the basic salary of a senior Minister remained at £5,000. The 1965 vintage got the ball rolling.

And boy does it roll. The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) are calling the shots. They decide their pay. The ball’s still rolling. It’s like a giant game of pinball. IPSA are flipping like mad. They’re nudging, bumping and ramping up the points. The machine is lighting up and large bonuses are being awarded. Bigjohn is enjoying watching this. It doesn’t look as if the ball will go into the drain any time soon.

Celebrity Watch

Spotted at my local pool hall, none other than five times World Snooker Champion, Ronnie “the Rocket” O’Sullivan. Bigjohn is not slow in coming forward and he made an approach shot to the snooker star. He challenged RonnieO to a frame. The Rocket flared at me and snarled. “What’s your highest break?”

Bigjohn replied. My collarbone.

A Modern Day Sweeney Todd

Bigjohn’s hair was needing a cut so he went for a hair cut. Bigjohn nearly choked on his fringe when he saw that three of his usual barbers were not there. He asked the owner, little Mar.

“Why Mar, have you sacked the three old hairdressers?”

Little Mar said “They were in the pub planning on taking over this place but I stopped their putsch at source.”

Conflicting history stories at play here. Another case of Night of the Long Knives or perhaps, Night of the Long Scissors.

Plug In Baby

It’s a new age. It’s a new man. It’s a new dawn. it’s a new day. It’s a new life.

Bigjohn seen his first electric car yesterday. There it was being amped up at a well-known Swedish furniture retailer’s car park. Time to splice two of Gary Numan’s (and the Tubeway Army) finest into one.

Are Cars Electric?

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