Posted tagged ‘Jeremy Corbyn’

Bigjohn 2

September 18, 2015

The famous columnist for the Daily Asteroid, Bigjohn, has agreed to syndicate more of his articles for publication right here. Thanks, Bigjohn.  You have the floor.

Call the midwife or someone with a white suit

Forget Rollermania it’s all Retromania these days. Vinyl is back on the record shelves and shifting more and more units. There’s a UK top 40 vinyl chart. The indestructible CD is being destroyed by a piece of plastic. Rotary dial old style phones are available in the shops again and being lapped up by the public. Personally, Bigjohn always thought they were cumbersome and by the time the three marathon circuits of 999 was dialled the robber had got away. But the push button phone is on the slide.

The biggest comeback of all is that Old Labour are back in town. The election of the left-wing Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the Labour party has brought back memories of the Trade Union days of the 70s. Bigjohn told his mum that traditional labour is here again and new Labour is no more. She was chuffed to pieces.

“Now they’ll know what it was like. Didn’t know they were born these new labourites, what with their epidurals and air and gas and all those pain relief remedies. In my day it were all hot water and towels.”

Bigjohn weighed 13lbs 9 when he were born.

A Flagging Toy

Lego must be one of the least exciting toys invented. Lacking the engineering and architectural skills of Meccano, the Lego blocks are still more popular with budding builders.

Bigjohn was forced on a family outing to LEGOLAND.  While being mildly impressed with Miniland and its depictions (in Lego form) of various cities of the world it was the Lego shop Bigjohn was there for.

Ignoring the pricey Millennium Falcon and Jurassic World models he headed straight to the interactive part of the shop. There was a table filled with Lego bricks for the customers to experiment with. Interlocking red, white and blue bricks Bigjohn made two flags depending on the rotation of the piece: the Netherlands or France. That’s the Meccano mind at work.

Celebrity Watch

At a recent dinner party held in a posh hotel Bigjohn spotted Johnny Depp at the champagne bar. Now Bigjohn is a bit of a looker even if he says so himself and he is nothing if not slow in coming forward. He ambled up to Depp and said. “It’s not often you’re the second best looking man in the room, eh Johnny boy?”

Depp swung into Captain Jack Sparrow mode and replied. “What the devil. Hassh David Beckham turned up?”

Bigjohn walked the plank back to the Discount Bar.

It’s A Cop’s Fair

In an effort to increase funding the Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) have came up with a novel idea. They are selling off some old bric-a-brac. Bigjohn seen some old Bobbies on the beat helmets and a policeman’s whistle at one of the stalls. If cops memorabilia is your thing you should head down to the Met office today. They’re calling it the Scotland Yard Sale.