Posted tagged ‘Irn-Bru’

0% interest rate at Bottle Bank!

August 22, 2015

For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action.

(Newton’s 3rd Law of motion.)

The do-gooders can sometimes make things worse with their do-goodism. Doing good can rebound on you. Just ask Spider-Man. No matter how many baddies he saves us from he still gets pelters in the press (Daily Bugle, what a rag! Better off with the Daily Asteroid) and insults from the public.

Now I’m not proposing do-badism it’s just that sometimes do-goodism can be taken to extremes. One of the latest do-goody trends has provoked my ire.

The environment does need protected. I hate to see shopping trolleys half submerged in the canals of my locality. It does put a dampener on my claim that we are the Venice of the North. And nobody wants to see discarded bottles on the river bank. Thus, do-gooders recycle their bottles. A good idea but it has had serious repercussions. Newton’s third has  been proved right, yet again.

Irn Bru maker AG Barr is to scrap its 30p buyback scheme for customers who return glass bottles. The move comes as the company invests £5m in facilities to fill bottles quicker at its Cumbernauld plant, while it decommissions washing equipment. AG Barr said it would no longer be able to handle returns after 31 December. The firm explained that recycling at home had contributed to a drop in bottles being returned from 90% in the early 1990s to only about 50% now.

We are all Irn-Bru

The do-gooders have put paid to a rite of passage and lucrative trade: the returning of the “empties”. Many’s the time when me and my friends were skint in our youth and we would scavenge the countryside for the empty bottles. A good few fish suppers and new, full, fizzy bottles of ginger were purchased with the proceeds of our enterprise. They have now taken that enjoyment away from us. The do-gooders have contributed to this tale of do-wrongedness.

Nowadays I take my glass bottles to the bottle bank. Bank, huh. I put the glass in but get nothing back in return. Maybe in the future I can claim GBPBI (Glass Bottle Pay Back insurance). I day dream of the adverts. Have I got GBPBI for you? Have you claimed back your GBPBI? GBPBI- the glass bottle manufacturers have set aside billions for the claims.

Now when I venture to the glass bottle bank laden as I am with my jingling wares I curse the do-gooders. My fury is a thousand hurricanes as I hurl the bottles into the bin, violently. The sound of breaking glass is cold comfort for my monetary loss. The rampant smashing is giving me a sore head. it almost feels like a hangover. Best cure for a hangy? Irn-Bru.

This week’s video is another one of those 80s classics. I’m sure it’s a classic. in fact, I’m a……