Posted tagged ‘I.D cards’

The deck of cards comes falling down

October 28, 2009

The proposed scheme of introducing identity cards in the UK has taken a step closer. This national identity scheme, which calls for an easy to use and extremely secure system of personal identification for UK residents only, needs some fine tuning (hummmm) before it becomes law. You won’t need any more cards.

All identity cards have biometric information to prevent them being used in a fraudulent manner. Biometric information simply means fingerprints, retina scans and a freckle count. Foreign nationals have already been issued with cards and various parts of the country, on a staggered scale, will be able to apply for them. 2012 will see the full population identity carded. Britain will be a nation of cards.

All forms of personal information will be stored on a unique chip and this will be useful. At the moment the average person has fifty different cards. Wallets, nay suitcases are too small to hold all these important data cards and the businessman needs a wheeled cart to carry all these cards. This explains the preponderance of men in suits dashing about the City with supermarket trolleys. The rolling trolley in the photograph is about to be snatched by the aching arms of this management consultant. Don’t let the nonchalance fool you, he spies an opportunity.

The one card does all would save a lot of space. Recyclable card bins would have to be erected in every town for the redundant old cards. (If any entrepreneur ever does this, I’ll see them in court). Debit cards, credit cards, bank cards, store loyalty cards, library cards, birthday cards, bus pass cards and personalised business cards would all be plastic dinosaurs. Football fans with season “tickets” or swipe cards which they use today can throw them away; the vast majority normally does halfway through the season any way.

Don’t anybody start worrying about what to do if you lose your card. A trip to the master computer and a few biometric details –nose hair analysis, maybe- and you’ll be on your merry way again. However, it takes extreme stupidity to lose a card; I mean c’mon, it’s not as if it’s a remote control or a favourite shirt or the board game Deal or no Deal.

Now that that takes care of the card conundrum it’s time to pester your MP with a one key does all scheme. Where did all these keys come from? When you include the key rings, it’s like walking about with a ball and chain. And you’re jingling like Santa Claus. Ho ho ho.