Posted tagged ‘Headphones’

Beautiful ears

October 4, 2014

My wife is a Taurean. That makes her a bull. And as all you Bizz acute readers know a bull buys and by the Minotaur in his labyrinth does she buy. She can come home from a shopping spree with more bags on her person than are channelled through Heathrow airport. This doesn’t bother me but by Bungle she also buys during the bear zodiacal cycle! Fozzie Bear! She goes to town like a bull in a china shop.

Porcelain. Hmmp. A thing that does get my Capricorn is the fragility of certain products. We are in the 21st century durability should be guaranteed. Kwai Chang Caine can tippy toe over the rice paper till the cows come home for all he wants, I’d much rather see Grasshopper Aries it over the course leaving no mark of Cain.

In the fragility league tables, poor old eggs get a raw deal. Derided as feeble -walking on eggshells, the yokes on you, weak legs like eggs, an egg is just white charcoal- the egg is superhuman in some respects. Even Geoff Capes couldn’t crush an egg between his mighty fingers…if he squeezed it at both poles. Try this at home. Expect face contortion on your part and a smug egg laughing back at you from the shell.


An object that has just topped my list of fragile things is that earpiece ornamental apparel- the headphones. I don’t know how many of these eardrum destroyers that have malfunctioned on me in the last few years; there’s something Piscean about them. There I am listening to my sounds when Pow, Bang, Wallop, one of the sides goes deaf on me and I’m left with one ear working. This happens all the time. I lose the power in one ear. Now useless the faulty fones go straight into the bin.  For the cheap and Nastase makes I bought I could just about understand the brittleness of their bones, it’s the state of the art Spocks that go wrong on me that make me want to volley out loud the sarcastic witticism- “fascinating, my left ear.”

When I told the bull about my hardships with the headphones she struck me with an arrow that even Sagittarius or Oliver Queen could propel. She knew what was wrong about my earplugs plight. She didn’t blame it on the sunshine. She didn’t blame it on the moonlight. She didn’t blame it on the good times. She didn’t even blame it on the boogie. She blamed it on


Machine Head

Iron Maiden

Lamb Of God

Orange Goblin



and so on and so forth, fifth, sixth etc. She said a Scorpion like me shouldn’t be listening to such stinging, headphone destructive music. I should be more laid back and of an easy listener ilk. I should be listening to someone like Stevie Wonder.  I’ll take her advice…just this once. This one is for the Librans out there that really are stars. You know who you are. I know I’m a day early but for when tomorrow comes…Happy Birthday.