Posted tagged ‘Government’

Extra responsibilities thrust onto an already laden Department

March 5, 2011

It’s been known for years that in my family I am in charge of the Sports and Leisure Department. However, with the boys all grown up I am no longer needed to chaperone them to the park and coach them in all things sporty (apart from rugby and golf, of course). This department is now defunct from the Government.

The Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer, my good lady wife, now says I must justify my existence in the cabinet. I asked for the role of Minister without Portfolio knowing full well she would guillotine my suggestion. After chairing a committee meeting comprised of herself she decided to expand my duties in my other, less glamorous, cabinet post.

Since entering into marriage and without any discussion, it was just naturally assumed, I have been responsible for taking the rubbish out. This laborious and mundane task was sexed up to appeal to my love of self-importance. Bestowed on me was the grandiose title of Environment Secretary. For the first few months I was as happy as a pig in mud as I trudged to the bins in all weathers with my garbage. I soon became pig-sick of, basically, trudging to the bins in all weathers with garbage.

In a startling new development the PM has added further responsibilities to the Environmental Department. The rubbish has to be separated into the respective recycle bins. Colour-coded receptacles are provided for the household and it is an onerous undertaking remembering what item of recycle material goes where. These added chores are taxing on my brain and I might have known that it’s all down to the green lobby. I am the last person in the world that will go green, if you know what I mean.

(Exterminate! Exterminate!)

There are so many problems in my new job that could unexpectedly arise. For one, the bin men could go on strike leaving my filled to capacity containers to bloat in the yard. Nobody wants a bloater in their back garden. Demanding a downsizing of a shelf or two from my cabinet post I barged into the PM’s parliamentary study for a showdown. She was online viewing the shopping channel, QVC. Before I could utter a word she said. “Do me a favour, love. Be a dear and empty my recycle bin on the computer when I’m finished here.”