Posted tagged ‘fridge magnets’

Magnetism in a cold climate

August 17, 2014


All my life I have resisted the impulse to be tattooed. Peer pressure did not force me to take up the needle. I’m proud of this as one tat leads to another and before you know it, you’re sleeved up and venturing into other body parts. Eventually, you run out of space. Skin is finite. This is what has happened to my mother.


g e r s f o r e u e r


There’s a few special characters that could be written on your arm -you know how folk like fancy writing on their skin- to give you time to digest what I just said. My mother has ran out of space.

You’re still shocked so let me explain better.

My mother’s fridge door has run out of space. Now you got it. Dear mum would not go anywhere near a tattoo parlour but she does have a thing for fridge magnets.

They have grown and grown over the years reproducing like there’s no tomorrow. Within reason she’ll stick anything on her door. Particularly she likes magnets from foreign fields. Whenever my sisters go abroad they are told, on fear of death, to bring back a goodie souvenir with the name of the place they have visited. Thankfully, I am absolved from this duty as I don’t fly anywhere. A trip to the coast does me. And she’s got quite enough magnets from Largs.


I asked her if she has a favourite and she replied. “ Yes, the most recent one.” Loyalty counts for nothing and the old favourites can be pushed down the pecking order. In fact, she has magnets on the side of the fridge. Good news if you are on the visible side, bad luck if you are on the “wall side” where the sun don’t shine. I suggested she put the overspill on the washing machine. And things were working out fine until a mighty spin sent the magnets on their merry way. This town ain’t big enough for two positives.

I opined further that why don’t you stick some on the cooker. My sisters tag-teamed me and smothered me on the couch. One whispered “do you want the house burned down, you clown?” Mum ignored this circus spectacle and brought in a box. She’d done this before and it was enjoyable. We expected it to be old family photographs and were looking forward to seeing us all a lot younger and with old-fashioned outfits. What a laugh! Imagine our surprise when the box was opened to reveal really old, old fridge magnets. We were in for a long night.