Posted tagged ‘Fedora hat’

My Kingdom for a Hat

March 9, 2016

My old man had good locks of hair as did my grandfather. This worried me as I feared a baldness gene was due. It can’t skip three generations, can it? Well, apparently, it has. The author of this website has hair to dye for. (Thank the Lord for Just for Men). The fourth generation, my sons, are at the worry-worry stage. Sorry lads, been there, done that, bought the wig.

One reason for my avoidance of baldness could be my refusal to ever wear a hat. Hats stop the hair breathing and thus stop it growing. I’ve never wore a hat or hood, even when it’s raining I don’t cover up. It’s only H2O, innit. H2O is so titled because the substance that falls from the sky has two Hydrogen atoms and one Oxygen atom. It is commonly called water. How about that? Not content with giving you the latest business news we also provide scientific data.

Now that I am getting on a bit, just a wee bit, the thought of wearing a hat has crossed my head. Losing hair at this age is no big drama. Therefore, I am in the market for a hair suffocating device.

The Stetson is popularised by the cowboys in the west. Much as I like big Clint and Lee Van Cleef I don’t want to go down that gulch. This gringo would go the whole hog and buy a horse and all the accoutrements. A lasso and all that. It’d be much better just to have a game of Buckaroo.

The Bicorne would make me stand out in a crowd. This two-horned headdress also has a dual purpose and can be used in two ways depending on who I wanted to be on any particular day. Width-wise I can be Napoleon, Long-wise the Grand Old Duke Wellington. After a good few drinks when I’m welleon I would have it drunkenly perched criss-crossly. Daigonals aren’t pleasing on the eye. Bye, bye, Bicorne.

After many deliberations and after going up lots of dead-ends,  no bunnets no skip caps no Darth Vader helmets, there is a victor. The Fedora. I plan to bombard Fedora makers with slogans for their product.

You’d never get fed up with a Fedora on your napper.

Bah Homburg! Make mine a Fedora.

Just one Fedora, give it to me-a.

J’adore Fedora.

So if I’m going to strangle my hair the deed will be done by the Fedora. Famous Fedoreans include James Spader in The Blacklist, the coolest man on TV. Humphrey Bogart with his oft-misquoted saying “Play the game, Sammy Boy”. And lastly, Indiana Jones. I could be the new Indy. Trouble is we have an accoutrements situation again. Need to buy a bullwhip.