Posted tagged ‘fears’


May 17, 2010

“I wandered lonely as a cloud.”

Ivan Hardsasnailsovitch pondered this line with deep analysis. A single cloud: lonely, wandering. He looked up. There was a cluster of clouds that by his geometric reasoning could easily have been potted with a plant if he had a cue ball cloud big enough. There’s not many lone wolf’s up there in the sky as the clouds tend to flock like sheep, he thought. After this observation he meandered along the forest, big-eyed.

Fearless himself, Ivan had read about the increasing rise in illogical fears with a passing interest. Weak-minded individuals could possess more than one phobia and even be scared of life itself; an impotent mixture of claustrophobia and agoraphobia. These pathetic figures are nothing more than creatures of the night and they’ll be afraid to cross the street next.

(Contemplation by Ivan Kramskoy 1874)

Calming himself down Ivan resumed a passive state of mind before a myriad of posers engulfed his centre of thought. Why did Aristotle contemplate the bust of Homer and not instead the bust of Tyro? Has Corporal Clegg been over-promoted? Why was there no Lower Volta? Is the violin the most discordant musical instrument ever invented? It is, accordion to this seventeenth century poem by the most played footballer in the world: A.Trialist.

I can hear violins
The most disharmonious of things
Shrieking louder, louder, louder
Rising to a crescendo of din

The slicing bowstring cacophony danced a symphony of death in Ivan’s head and he did not hear the rumbling, violinesque, roaring engine of a steamroller behind him. The unmanned out of control juggernaut went right over the top of Ivan, flattening him, proving that too much thinking is a dangerous thing. However, he is not known as Hardsasnailsovitch for nothing and Ivan didn’t have a scratch, dent or bump on him; the steamroller had to be written off.