Posted tagged ‘Dracula’

Part Works should get it in the neck

June 13, 2015

My mother loves jigsaws. She will spend hours on a 1,000 piece carefully assembling the picture on the box. Strategically, she does the ends first; a classical enveloping manoeuvre. I must admit that on occasion I have entered onto the battle field and helped out with the odd piece or two. Yet, I feel it is a bit of a waste of time. Proof of this can be seen after the checkmate. Once my mum has conquered the jigsaw she doesn’t stand on ceremony or savour the spoils of war, she simply breaks up the puzzle, puts it back in the box and delivers it to the nearest charity shop. She will start a new campaign against a new foe.

While jigsaws are a waste of time “Part-work” publications are a waste of money. You will probably have seen the adverts on the TV for these type of publications. They usually come in the form of a magazine that has a particular topic and a piece of building that will eventually complete a complex model of some kind. The most recent advert I saw was for a model of the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars. Usually, the first issue is sold at the enticing price of £1.99 but thereafter it rises to six or seven squid. The final cost can reach a few hundred pounds.*

One of the many problems encountered with these works are missing issues. After the first few weeks newsagents don’t stock them and you have to subscribe. There’s always something that can go wrong on the subscription front. Transit problems, for instance or lost in the post or a damaged issue with the piece of the work mangled. Subscriptions for magazines is a John Major bone of contention for me. I am still missing I don’t like Tractors, I love them monthly magazine issue 1872. (need to check out e-bay and join the bidding war)

Christopher Lee

Many, many part works ago in a household far, far away I was beguiled by a particular “part-works” publication. It cost me a pretty Penny Race when complete. Thankfully, considering the content there was no particular model to build. It was just a magazine that was sold weekly. I had to subscribe. There are a few issues missing. The mag was called, faint hearts can look away now,…Murder Casebook. This had all the notorious badmen and madmen in history; an infamous women or two were also included. It had rippers, stranglers, gangsters, cannibals, kingslayers laying waste on every page. It was a gothic horror fest.

While we’re on the subject of cold-blooded murderers I would like to pay my respects to the late Sir Christopher Lee, one of my all-time cold-blooded heroes of celluloid. Those old Hammer Horror films of his can still chill the bones. The music adds to the menace as the vampire is about to strike. And nobody played Dracula liked Sir Lee.

Christopher found a new latter-day audience with his roles in the Lord of the Rings films and the Star Wars prequels. Not many people know this but he also made heavy metal albums and was regularly featured in the headbanger’s bible, Metal Hammer magazine. Subscribe, if you dare.

Jigsaw, the protagonist in the Saw franchise traps his victims in a series of tests and subjects them to psychological torture. All good and motherwell, Jiggy boy, Dracula just liked a bite to eat. Fangtastic.

*After a good day at the bookmakers and after watching the advert, a friend told me that he was going to buy two issues a week and have two full Millennium Falcon models to exhibit. Needless to say it was all bluster and after the first £1.99 issue, he gave up.