Posted tagged ‘CV’s’

This is your Life

January 21, 2010

Whilst attending a meeting of personnel directors in Bali last week the contentious issue of CV’s cropped up. The CV is of course, in many cases, the first impression employers have of potential staff and a well written clearly laid out CV can help to secure employment. There should be no spelling or syntax mistakes and recruiters are looking for the truth about your qualifications and experience.

Hopeful job seekers have been known to embellish their life story with wondrous tales or irrelevant information. The meeting descended into anecdotal stories of some of the greatest whoppers presented on paper. Although I didn’t see any chocolate offerings around, I was busy enjoying myself at the free buffet – dontcha think a junket just doesn’t sound the appropriate word for these gatherings- and quaffing on the expensive wines while the stories recounted were inducing much laughter.

The following is a selection of real CV quotes. Needless to say none of these people made the interview stage.

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook

I have been the Prime Minister of four different countries

Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year

I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse

Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far

I am bilingual – fluent in English, Spanish and French

References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me

The hiring managers were all rolling about the floor laughing and I joined in. Soon we were guffawing for all we were worth with tears streaming down our faces, falling off of chairs, slapping one another on the back and the odd “get out of here” said. Then another recruiter told of another CV he’d received.

“This man said on his CV. “I travel extensively: I goes to Spain for a fortnight every year. I am the world Kit-Kat eating champion and so good at sums I can count better than Dracula.” Well I tell you the howls of laughter spread right through the building until everybody in Bali, did I say Bali? I meant to say Blackpool, everybody in Blackpool was laughing. Except me. I wrote a lot of CV’s in my early days.