Posted tagged ‘counterfeit money’

The man who gave it all away

July 30, 2010

Counterfeiters have changed their strategy. They have given up on duplicating notes and find it easier to forge coinage. Unfortunately, coins come in small denominations, however, I suppose if you make enough of them…

Getting rid of a fake tenner is difficult as the quality of the paper, lack of watermark and poor copy render them impossible to pass on. On the other hand, nobody takes a second glance at a coin and as long as the weight is similar the coin can be circulated.

While checking my pound coins I noticed I had a duff one. It was poorly made and badly misshapen. Now I had the vexed issue of trading with this valueless commodity. I weighed up my options. It would be too dangerous to con Big Tam the barman as that baseball bat of his packs a punch. And as an all round nice guy and charming humane human being I did not want to give it to the old lady who works in the paper shop; the poor old dear.

In this technological age there are many machines and I had no qualms of ridding my fake in a faceless apparatus. The coca-cola vending machine leered at me lovingly; there’s nothing better than cola. Not be long now, old fella, and I popped the coin in the slot. Ding. It went right through and ended up in the change station. Try again. Ding. Five times I tried to the same result. How do these stupid contraptions know the difference? I looked fondly at the can of cola and it looked back at me, an unrequited love.

Moving on I came to a games arcade. I’m not one for gambling as inevitably all gamblers lose. This time I wanted to lose and looked forward to it. I side stepped the penny falls and went to the high rollers den: the pound falls. A bit ironic this as I have been monitoring the fall of the pound in my professional capacity.

Scanning the available droppings I selected the least likely winning drop and plopped my pound. Shoom, screech, ding, ding, ding. Three pound coins fell into the chute at the bottom of the machine. I’ve won. Or have I? I looked over to the players at the penny falls and they all smiled at one another. Oh no, I’ve won three dud coins. The others might be playing for coppers but at least it’s real copper.

Now lumbered with three bits of metallic currency of no realm and no worth I had to let them go. Finding a remote piece of wasteland I hurled with all my might the bogus tender into the long grass. I watched the flight of the three miniature objects and in mid-air they changed their direction. Remember I said they were misshapen. Well the counterfeiters botched up big time with this particular batch, they were shaped like boomerangs. Look out! Duck!