Posted tagged ‘Chubb CCTV’

A credible threat at the office

September 3, 2012

With the reputation of the JW10 website on the rise in the financial world it was understandable that we would receive malicious threats by envious competitors. The postman delivered letters of a serious nature that gave us cause for concern. Fearing for our safety we stepped up security measures.

In the time honoured fashion of our company we did it on the cheap. I have a friend that works with the security industry’s number one firm, Chubb. As long as we didn’t tell his boss he agreed to do a “homer” for our workplace. My friend, who shall remain nameless…oh what the heck, he’s called Billy, managed to do a mighty cost cutting enterprise.

First off we decided against bullet proof glass for our windows as this would be too expensive. And have you ever seen the mess of the glass after a bullet has struck it? It turns mosaic that in turn, turns my stomach. At least with a normal window it shatters completely as the projectile passes right through. Billy suggested we put on some extra jumpers. Hillary, my paper mountaineering secretary, protested that this would make her too cumbersome to climb the manuscripts. Me and the sub-editor agreed that we like her the attractive way she is. One day, who knows, maybe she’ll plant a flag at the peak.

No alarm system is complete without some form of CCTV. Billy had some older stock that he could use. Never having anything of this sort before we were excited that we could fool around with the television when there were slow news days. We could run outside to pull funny faces at the screen. Try out a brand new walk. Shout at the eye in the sky “You’re a wimp, HAL”. Throw bricks at it if we were really bored.

Billy brought out his kit and man was it ancient. This was the cameras that resembles the Battle Droids from the Star Wars films. Basically, our CCTV was a Battle Droid head. In the movies the BD’s were useless and its camera counterpart wasn’t much better. Slow to swivel, probably susceptible to a lightsabre lunge, it didn’t offer 360% vision like the super-cameras of today‘s vintage. Still, it gave us some form of protection.

Billy finished up and next minute an intruder showed up on the screen. We jumped under our desks before we noticed it was the postman. Tentatively, we opened the pod bay doors. The postman asked us to hand back the hateful letters we received as he had delivered them to the wrong address. They were for the conglomerate in the next street. Exasperated, I looked at the camera the way that the chubby Oliver Hardy did all those years ago