Posted tagged ‘Boots the chemist’

Scent of a celebrity

January 6, 2010

As the consummate professional that I am, when I was going to write an article about Boots the Chemist I rang Andy Hornby the Chief executive to let him know. Even more professionally Mr. Hornby invited me to an after hours tour of the flagship four floor Boots shop in Oxford Street, London. After a game of soccer and a take away I hurried to my appointment.

Greeted by two of the most beautiful sales girls I’ve ever seen, the ladies, Andy and I made a circuitous journey round the store. Immediately I headed for the perfumery department and tried all the testers. Firstly I drowned myself with some expensive cologne. The trinity dream team of Paco Rabanne, Calvin Klein and Hugo Boss emitted a sweet cocktail of women magnet enticing aromas.
But I knew they weren’t the real deal…and then I saw them; Brut 33 and the classic, Old Spice. Now we’re talking, so I splashed the mark of a man all over. I smelled like a million dollars with this refreshing masculine double fragrance.

It seemed like I had been given carte blanche to do what I want in the shop. So I brushed my teeth, shaved with an electric razor, cleaned my ears, put on some anti-wrinkle cream (you never know when you might get your first one) and made myself undesirable to the ladies. I took my socks and shoes off and stuck a plaster on my sore toe; I had stubbed it at five-a-side football earlier and it was not a pretty sight.

Soon I was having a ball and trying on sunglasses and snow boots, taking digital photos of the displeased Mr. Hornby and the less than happy looking women. Come on Andy, let yourself go I cajoled. Entering the, dare I say it, untidy stockroom I jumped on the spokes of the fork lift and encouraged Andy to drive me round the shop. He quickly got in the swing of things and what a scream we had. We bumped and crashed and laughed and completely annihilated the place. Alas, it was time for me to go. I thanked Andy for a great time and said I will give his company a huge write up.

Unbeknown to us word had spread that a famous star was shopping in Boots after the doors had been closed to the public. A huge crowd had swelled outside of expectant autograph hunters and paparazzi. As I left the building I exited by the main door to trumpets of applause and clicking cameras flashing furiously. In the mayhem I caught some of the snippets of conversation of the tumultuous throng.
“He’s not David Beckham.”
“I thought you said it was Johnny Depp.”
“Barack Obama, my foot.”

The mood of the crowd had changed because of their disappointment and they were starting to turn on me. However as soon as anyone got too near they were instantly repulsed. I knew why. When Andy wasn’t looking I sprayed on some Harmony hair spray. It seems it is too pungent for some. Or was it the Old Spice? Or was it that dodgy chicken madras that was turning in my stomach and sending smoke signals down my alimentary canal?