Posted tagged ‘Blu-ray’

Hit the pause button, willya?

March 23, 2010

Three painstaking years it took me to transfer my valuable TV specials, interviews and live clips from VHS to DVD, and then Blu-ray appeared and zapped me like a stingray. Blu-ray is hated in most quarters and no wonder. How much clearer can the picture get? How blue can a Blu-ray sky be? It’s too clear; I miss the fuzziness of an old fashioned VHS. And I yearn to be tied up in the spools of a VHS tape that has stuck in the recorder. It was great trying to repair a mangled or split video. Putting on a doctor’s overcoat I took the Hippocratic Oath then applied sellotape to the injured parts.

But it looks terminal for Blu-ray as new technology will leave it to console with other fossils like Atari’s and Spectrums. A new masterpiece player is in the works and it will be a three dimensional holographic marvel of engineering. No more will the two dimensional plane of Venetian and Vertical blinds hold sway, 3D will be the way. The screen will be a combination of deck chair and lilo and you’ll feel a part of the experience of the new movies. You will be able to taste the bubblegum chewed by Johnny Depp when he kisses you or pick up a few teeth when Sylvester Stallone in Rocky XVII punches you in the chops. All this and you won’t need an Equity card.

Time machines will come next and in future we can go back to the past, we will all be Doctor Whose? Doctor Who’s? Doctor Whom’s? Och, you know what I mean just remember, first do no harm. How wonderful to go back in time to any period in Mankind. So many exciting moments in history that you could witness first hand: A premiere of a Shakespeare play at the Globe Theatre, the Battle of the Little Big Horn (I’d be on Crazy Horse’s side, of course), the Coronation of my beloved Queen Elizabeth II, Waterloo…not the battle but the song as sang by ABBA at the Eurovision song contest. I must tell you I had a brilliant day yesterday so tomorrow I’d like to go back to the day before today.

As for ipods, they will soon be shrunk to the size of a bitten thumbnail. They will hold over 500,000 songs. Now imagine all those songs are only three minutes long that adds up to 25,000 hours of music to listen to or put another way, 2.85198882 years. A lot of fingers and toes were used in this calculation. It’s not far off three years and three years is nothing, it took me that time to upgrade my videos, remember? So let’s go play all the songs on my ninth generation ipod, we’ll do it alphabetically.