Posted tagged ‘Blackpool Hotels’

1. Genesis- And God created Blackpool

March 7, 2010

It is a pleasant four and a half hour bus journey to Blackpool from Glasgow. The passengers find it hard to contain their excitement as for most of them they’ve been waiting all year for this moment. The jovial atmosphere on the bus is such that complete strangers share their sweets. Seated at the back of the bus I gesticulate to Lorries we are overtaking to “honk their horn for me”. Honk, Honk. Cheers big man. After awhile my maw tells me to sit down that I’m 43 not 13.

From now on I will deal with the hotel part of the holiday and leave the amusement arcades and all that palaver for another article. Every Blackpool hotel room has a character all of its own. They are all dingy but there are degrees of dinginess and Glaswegians try to out boast one another over who had the number one dinger.

As it’s a hotel and not self catering there is no fridge in the room. This leaves the problem of how to chill the carry-out carried in cans of bitter that will be consumed after the bars closed. I use the following technique. I fill the bath with cold water and immerse the cans under the water. Hey Tesco, a makeshift fridge. A room with a shower means you have to use the sink instead giving you the opportunity to pretend to be a toff and say you have a mini-bar.

Unless you’ve booked an oot the road dive, most of the packages in the medium sized hotels will include cabaret entertainment. We’re only here for the beer but it is nice to have a comedian/singer giving you some background noise. To ensure the best seats -that’s the ones at the back next to the window- my wife and I throw our towels over the couches a few hours before the night’s show; a little tip we picked up from the Germans.

As the night wears on the audience starts to get merry and laughs at the corny jokes. Then when the artiste begins to sing “Cotton eyed Joe” everybody’s bouncing on the tables. I’m enjoying myself that much at the end of the performance I buy the dudes CD. Only on the bus back do I see what a fool I’ve been. Why did I buy this amateur recording? But all is not lost, I’m a great recyclist and I use the CD case to replace a broken one in my collection. As for the disc, it retains a connection with Blackpool. It will be a coaster.

One of the most dangerous aspects of your stay in the hotel is the smuggling operation you’ve got going. This is, of course, the mission to secretly bring chips into your room against house regulations. Skulking about the lobby, you try and avoid the night shift staff but the aroma of the chips is too strong. Oh no, the manager is coming, quick, up the shirt with the food.
AARRGGHH!
I forgot about the curry sauce.