Posted tagged ‘accountants’

Numbers great and small, good and bad

February 26, 2015

The number is always 769.

It’s nice to visit relations and as a nicety I visited my sister recently. Naturally, I commandeered her television. And her television remote control. I zapped through the channels until I found something interesting to watch. Banged Up Abroad, that will do nicely. I adjusted the volume bar to suit my hearing skills and as I relaxed, imagining myself in an orange jump suit, from out of the blue my sister went berserk. My first thought was she’s going stir crazy until she let fly with “You can’t leave the volume on an odd number”. And I could see where she was coming from.

I, too, suffer from the odd number syndrome, though in my case it’s when I’m reading a book. I never stop reading on odd-numbered pages as bad omens can abound. They’re not known as odd for nothing. odd numbers are abominations. My bookmarks are always installed on an even keel. If a chapter ends in an odd I will read the first page of the next one to keep the good karma of the book. My paranoia about the oddities is getting worse. I have contemplated not reading the odd numbered pages or in an act of total destruction, ripping these monstrosities from the spine of the book. Rip, shred, tear. Rip it out.

The pages will be thrown on the pyre. A modern day Bonfire of the Vanities. My Savonarola even pages won’t burn. Only the pure in heart will find the Golden Grail. They will all be divisible by two.

Let’s leave the inquisition and go to superstitions. Unfounded fears can be taken to extremes by certain individuals. Me, I’ve always walked under a ladder without suffering any consequences but, and it’s back to TV volumes again, I have a little phobia about the sound numbers on my remote (it runs in the family).

I will never leave the volume of the television at 13. It’s because this unlucky number brings a new slant to the Goldilocks story. You see the trouble is that on my set 14 is too loud (daddy bear) and 12 is too low (baby bear). 13 is just right. Nice. You couldn’t put money on it. Mummy bear is the ideal volume. It makes me want to run into the forest and never return again.