Webbing Day

It was with great anxiety that I entered the hall of Starbucks. This was my first time in the venue and I scanned the clientele to see if there were any insect haters. My spider-sense said no but you can never be too careful so I tippy-toed a rat-a-tat on my claws along the floor to the counter. Just call me the arachnid Fred Astaire.

The Starbuckian staff seemed professional and courteous. The rumours of this being a controversial coffeehouse were unfounded. The only controversy was the price of the scones. I chicaned round these lumps of pastry as it was only fluid I was after. Without fluid I can’t make a web. You can’t imagine a world without a web. Can you?

This didn’t seem the right place for a Tetley so I forgoed my tea jenny long legs addiction and descended into a cup of coffee, my first cup of coffee.  It shivered me timbers as my Urticating hairs meerkated into the air. It carouseled my carapace and sent my spinnerets to Detroit and back. I slurped some more. In an instant I was hooked.

Then I surveyed the scene more closely. They had more exotic drinks than coffee on offer. My eyes could see the names of frappuccino, cappuccino, macchiatos and mochas on the team sheet. I noticed that Balotelli had been dropped again.

It was really warm for July and my  opisthosoma was sweating. I needed something cool and I saw the very thing- An Iced Shaken Blackberry Mojito Tea Lemonade which consists of a layered blend of green tea, juicy blackberry, mint, and a splash of lemonade—shaken not stirred with ice. I wouldn’t be the spider I was today if I wasn’t always prepared. I pulled out a pair of Speedo Spider Shorts from my back pack and budgie smuggled into them.

I’m not a Beatle but couldn’t resist singing a wee tune before plunging into the pool. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, Little darling.

I was having the whale of a time. My Pedipalps were getting good exercise doing alternate kicks and I could do a bit of surfing using an ice cube. Then the place was drying up. The tea was being dredged by a tube submerged in the glass. A vortex was being created and slowly I was being sucked into the whirlpool. Don’t tell me these humans are going to eat spiders during the day as well as the night.

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3 Comments on “Webbing Day”


  1. They URTICATE? The fiends – when I think of the zillions of spiders I`ve saved from bath or Open Kitchen and moved to A Place of Greater Safety… and any minute I could have been `stung as if with nettles`!

    This was Fascinating, JW. I love spiders, as long as they`re delicately proportioned and roaming singly. Staying with Aus brother they were generally huge and evil, specially the Redbacks who lived in the dunny. Or the grey fluffy Huntsmen who weren`t poisonous – instead they took aim and Pounced on you & you died of heart failure.

    (hadn’t thought of Eating one, though…)

  2. theroyalist Says:

    Them Redbacks sound scary, DD. I thought Aussieland only had poisonous snakes. I’ll quickly score out the Australian Ashes tour from my Bucket List.

    Was in Starbucks for the first time, only recently, and, inspiration can strike at any time, wondered what a spider would make of it.

    Not sure if it’s a myth or not but apparently, we swallow 4 insects (flies, moths, spiders) a night while we sleep. It could be true because I think I scoffed about 50 of them the other night. I woke up with a full stomach and couldn’t eat breakfast.
    Burp.


    • Ah, such dynamism, JW – “…wondered what a spider would make of it.” and Loh! 30 seconds later you`ve elaborated and published!

      In fact I`m Just the same, could I but get beyond the Pondering…

      Of course I shan`t sleep tonight, churning over those wandering insects. “There was an old lady who swallowed a spider, that wriggled & wriggled & wriggled inside her…” (The idea for `Alien` came from that rhyme, You Know).


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