Archive for June 2016

4.2 The Chinese take away

June 21, 2016

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

(old Chinese proverb)

“We’re going to be rich beyond our wildest dreams” Enthused Jeff to Ralph. Ralph had his doubts and he expressed them.

“These things never  work out the way they’re supposed to.”

“This is a home run, a slam dunk, a bull’s eye, as sure-fire as a Kung Fu chop.” Jeff mimicked a David Carradine downward slice. It wasn’t pretty and truthfully, it wouldn’t have cut butter.

“The Chinese take away is situated on the outskirts of town but it’s the best take away in town. If you know what I mean. The majority of customers phone their orders in. Very few customers actually enter the premises. All you’ve got to do is answer the phone and all I have to do is deliver the goods. It’s easy money. So we in, Liondance.” Ralph agreed.

The take away opened at six o’clock and immediately the phone rang.

“Told you Ralph, the phone lines will be busy but it is an easy job.”

“You could be right, Jeff” Ralph, with great sunny delight, picked up the phone and took the order. He wrote it down together with the address. He punched the air before putting the phone down. “That’ll be the first of many and the more we sell the more we make.  With tips and all that.” Ralph picked up a flotilla sized toy dragon’s head costume that was behind the counter and danced a Chinese dance. it was like New Year all over again.

A half hour passed without any further calls. Jeff had been sent to deliver the solitary order. The chef and owner weren’t in a rising sun mood and the mandarins scowled a grasshopper of a scowl at Ralph.

Jeff returns and sits with Ralph. Two hours pass without any more orders. Ralph is afraid to look at the phone which is the white elephant in the room. The air is filled with tension. The proprietors were holding their fire-breathing breaths. Ralph breaks the silence.

“A waiting kettle never boils. That’s an old British proverb.”

Just then an irate customer walks into the shop. I’d rate him about negative ten. He shouts.

“I’ve walked three miles to get here. What’s going on? I’ve tried to phone since you opened. The phone is constantly engaged.”

Ralph and Jeff  look at the phone. It is slightly off the hook but off the hook nevertheless. The chef picks up his meat cleaver and the owner falls into a Bruce Lee pose. Ralph checks the writing on the wall and utters.

“Hey, don’t forget your old proverb,” he replaces the handset and it begins to ring. “See, we’re back in business.” he speaks into the phone “Good evening, can I take your order”.

The waiting customer is furious and screams at Jeff “I was here first.”

Jeff, in self-survival mood answers “I’m just the driver.”



Take your pick

June 20, 2016

One of the wonders of playing the guitar is learning a new chord. Just the other day I added the Cadd9 chord to my repertoire. After adding them all up, this takes me to five chords I can “master”. The Cadd9 has a lovely sound. It makes a sweet “rinnggg” noise. After I strum it, forgetting myself sometimes, I answer the door but I digress. The Cadd9 means I can now hammer out a wicked version of Bad Moon Rising (G, Cadd9, D). A busking career is definitely in the offing.

Another offshoot I have found since becoming a “musician” is the wonderful world of plectrum collecting. These small pieces of plastic that aid the player are seductively charming. There’s billions of them out there and these picks are as cheap as chips. Just as I said I clean the guitar more often than I play it I also look at the plectrums rather than use them.

I could have filled this page with pleccy pics but I see trouble on the way.

Here’s the professional version of my song.

Escaping the Triumphant stunt man

June 6, 2016

British superbike maker Triumph Motorcycles Ltd is expecting to clock 20-25% sales growth in India in 2017. Triumph sells 15 global models in the country through its many dealerships and more are planned. Well played, Triumph. You can’t keep a good old British Brand down.

The Triumph motorcycle is famous for being Steve McQueen’s two-wheeler of choice. He didn’t just drive his dream machine in The Great Escape he also regularly raced his biking buddies with a Triumph. But it was the film that made him. After it, he went stratospheric and became the biggest star in Hollywood.

Steve did have his moments and I hate to rain on his parade but I have just found out it as not him that did the daring jump over the wire in the film. It was the unknown stuntman, the Fall guy as they’re known. In my universe Steve’s star has waned a tad. Clearly, he wasn’t no Evel Knievel.

There are some actors that do their own stunts but I’m sure the insurance will be through the roof. The stuntmans union would complain as well. There are a number of thrill-seeking part-time stunt man that walk the walk then talk the talk. Listen to this one.

A friend of mine recently did a sky dive for charity. Nicely done, good cause, let’s move on. Nope, not a chance. He told me it was the most amazing feeling ever doing a free fall. He was cajoling others to take the plunge.

Good for you, Daredevil, but I’m not biting the bullet. I’ll escape his clutches by playing it like Steve and sticking myself in the cooler. There’s nothing better than bouncing a ball off the wall.

Spot the Difference

June 6, 2016

None that I can see. Both these groups are having fun.