Cheddar is for the shredder

Ordinarily, I am not one to worry but worryingly, the symptoms had been occurring for over two weeks. For once, I was starting to look on the dark side. One area of general knowledge I am ignorant of is medical matters. I never consult a medical tome. What you don’t know won’t harm you. Still, it was over two weeks thus invoking the Balzac quote “our greatest fear lies in anticipation” I pulled from the shelf a book on illnesses.

The stomach pain while not being overly painful was irritating. It came and went at intervals. There could be many reasons for this ache. An ulcer or worse was noted. I prayed it was just indigestion. Thankfully, this was the case.

Dyspepsia is one name for this condition. It comes from the Greek. Dys is the prefix for bad and peptos is Greek for digested.  Now we know that anything with dys at the beginning is bad: Dystopia, Dyslexia, Dysfunction, Dyswebsite.

Clearly, there was something wrong with my diet and something had to go. I listed my dietary behaviour to find the Rogue One. There was no way that McEwans Export, Coca-Cola or chocolate was to blame for my plight. These guys would never harm me. We practically grew up together. These juices wouldn’t do a Judas on me. They were staying. Harummphh, as if chocolate digestives could give you indigestion. Ridiculous.

There’s a lot of savouries flung down my throat: pies, stake bakes, sausage rolls. There’s a question mark about their digestive properties. Could the fabled, protractor shaped  bridie be sent to Forfar?

Then it dairied on me that I do a lot of cheese. You know, I put cheese on everything. Cheese on toast, cheese toasties, baked potato with cheese, cheese burgers, chips and cheese, cornflakes and cheese, cheesy blogs. By cutting out cheese altogether I could determine if that was the culprit.

It was. So cheese no more. The mozzarella has had its last dance. It’s spicy chicken pizza from here on in. My stomach can handle that.


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3 Comments on “Cheddar is for the shredder”

  1. Nooooooh! How agonising for you JW, to be Forced off the Cheese. But I guess chocolate would be Even More agonising, or wine, or tuna steaks in brine… So Think Yourself Lucky!

    Be brave, and keep fine-fettled now.

    (you`re writing posts faster than one can read them, you Dynamic, you)

  2. theroyalist Says:

    Hi Dolores, the rapidity is down to a bout of cheeseless mania.

    I love Rangers, the copper one was to keep up the pretence of this being a business blog but the digestion problem was real. After all these years and many, many lunches, the dairy products are revolting…against me. It’s got to the stage that when I pass by a field I get a lot of angry looks by the ungulates that live there.

  3. “Pretence” of a business blog, JW?! That explains the state of my Portfolio then…

    Ungulates at least bring joy (except for their insidious twertlings in certain innards). Have added this U word to my favourites; if only the beasts could be happy on our strip of gravel I`d get a flock…

    Do hope you`re coping without.

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