A little something to ward off the Dark Nights

It was the worst of times.

I cleaned all the windows, including the frames, just as the rain appeared with his big pal, the wind, and the glass became tainted again. The weather also interfered with my attempts to recycle the cardboard packaging. Old Gusty blew some containers out of my hands and into the next garden. The fence was too big and slippery to scale so I shrugged. The curtains drew back from next door and to avoid neighbour rage I ran like the wind.

A wee game of snooker cures all ills. I sauntered to the pool hall. Along the way I encountered many fallen umbrellas with disjointed spokes. What kind of human tries to put a brolly up in a hurricane? It’s just asking for a concave to become convex. Life is a game of angles.

The balls weren’t running for me, I had developed the yips. Weather induced, alcohol induced, who knows, it was induced somehow. Every time I went to play a shot I sh-sh-shook my cue hand. My delighted opponent gave me a twitching lip, rubber-legged rendition of All Shook Up. Including an over the top- Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, yay. It livened the place up.

Soon the regulars were dancing on the tables. One player picked up the brown ball and belted out a stirring Brown Sugar. This brought a pocket of the old-timers back to life and they rolled about until they got tired. Then they had a rest. For the young squad the party was just starting and routines were breaking out all over the shop. A vaudeville artist was joining all the triangles together then playing them like an accordion.

It was the first time a spider had been used to air guitar.

A dog lover picked up the yellow ball to sing Old Yeller.

Two tin-drinking natives did the can-can.

The owner sang Purple Rain. Not a snooker colour but then he is colour blind. There was a Red Stripe in his hand acting as the MIC.

It was the best of times.

This shang-a-lang went on longer than a Terry Griffiths break. A Chas and Dave cavalcade of beer, song and banter. A definite musical in the making. What to call this melody of madness? Maybe, a little doff of the cap to MGM.

Singing inside, no rain.

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5 Comments on “A little something to ward off the Dark Nights”


  1. Scary Dark-Night thoughts, JW, I mean – who could DO that to an umbrella?

    What a merry evening it turned into, though (with joyous hint of Brown Sugar to boot). Loved Evis (one day, My quiff will be like that). Linked onto Jailhouse Rock too, and no doubt there`ll be an everlasting chain of temptation to follow… Very good for one`s swivelling too. (Keeping Voltarol handy)

  2. theroyalist Says:

    This tale was concocted while I was being hammered at snooker by my son. To relieve my boredom of siting down watching I imagined the hall turning into a musical. Need to pitch this to MGM.

    You Tube vids are addictive right enough, Dolores. One song always leads to a playlist where another one catches your attention. Before you know it, it’s time to get up and you haven’t even been down.


  3. Wish my brain did that when I`m bored… Usually just go into coma till the bus comes.

    “..time to get up and you haven`t even been down.” Makes me think among other things of Elvis Costello, whose jolly entertaining memoirs are on the radio this week – “…if ever a carnal scream could be said to be ironic…”. Probably slight mis-quote but you get the idea. D`you like that Elvis too?


  4. Oh hell – Elvis C was what we were Meant to think of… Do You Know, JW, this is happening to me more & more

  5. theroyalist Says:

    Dolores, wackiness is an endearment. You are a ★.

    I read in the radio guide that EC was on book of the week but not really a fan. Come on, with a name like Elvis he’ll never sell records. (I’m sure I’ve said that before. I’m getting to be like the BBC. Full of repeats)


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