Not in Wisden #12: Space Invaders

One of the endearing characteristics of the GDCCC (Glasgow and District County Cricket Championship) was the fact that most of the players didn’t know the rules of the game. A lot was made up on the crease and became law. Just as in the GDCFC(Glasgow and District County Football Championship) no matter how violent, reckless or criminal the hatchet men tackled, there were no fouls given because the refs would be too scared, the cricketing equivalent of this would be there would be no LBWs. Plainly, a batsmen could occupy the front of the stumps all day. Drawn games of 0-0 were not uncommon with not a run scored or a wicket taken.

Thankfully not everyone wanted to be Chris Tavare and most of the contests featured hard hitting batting and outrageous bowling. The more educated amongst us, that is those with a rudimentary knowledge of the game, pined for a more professional approach to proceedings. We wanted a bona fide scoreboard that detailed all the facts right down to extras and last man. We never got what we wanted. The score was done verbally by both teams with the usual difference of opinion. To reach a consensus diplomacy failed countlessly and war took over to settle the score.

The educated class pined for another thing to resemble the English and broader world game. At the GDCCC’s apex the zeitgeist was that lots of test matches were invaded by streakers. These joyful exhibitionists enlightened many a drab occasion and their nudity was innocent and funny. We wanted a streaker and we went further with our wants, we wanted a female streaker. We never got what we wanted.

The only pitch invasions we got were by clothed men brandishing wine bottles. Depending on how tough they were we had to let them have a bat for a while before they got bored and wandered off to cause havoc elsewhere. The other winos we chased off. It was Apache country back then and maybe just as well we didn’t have a scoreboard; the natives would have burned it down. This would have been a new take on The Ashes.



*Family-friendly blog. No streakers only Heath Streak (above) ex-Zimbabwean bowler.

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8 Comments on “Not in Wisden #12: Space Invaders”

  1. Well I`d have found a streaker of the streaking kind Jolly friendly, JW. Sadly that was the only bit that made much sense to Unsporty me, and references to `violent` `hatchet` `scared` and `stumps` are very puzzling – Has cricket changed since we used to watch our menfolk play it at school?
    (Mind you, if you`re talking HOCKEY…)

  2. PS have posted a post!

  3. theroyalist Says:

    Hi Dolores,

    Having a week off to myself that coincides with the England v Oz third Test Match (Howzat for timing) I thought I’d relive some of those terrifying growing up moments that happened in the rough housing schemes of my youth. There will be a few more tales from the GDCCC coming soon and I know they aren’t your scene. Feel free to ignore these posts. They are just me rambling on.

    Now must head over to Days of DD, pronto.

  4. Are you Mad, JW? One doesn`t have to be SPORTY to LOVE your weird tales of Sporty Things and the Roughness of your youth! I love Detective stories and Tales of the Supernatural too but have no personal knowledge of murders and ghosties. (except for Uncle Fred). I am Glued to your every typing.

    GDCCC? Bring on your worst!

  5. theroyalist Says:

    Thanks D.

    Need to more of Uncle Fred.

  6. The tale of Uncle Fred is a true and horrid one from many years ago. He had a shop and two men came in to rob him and felt the need to hit him very hard on the head with a hammer – hence the personal knowledge of murder.

    They got the swines though and threw them into the deepest darkest dungeon.

    Apologies – Don`t know why I mentioned it above – he just popped into my head! (Maybe the ghostie comes next…)

  7. theroyalist Says:

    Sorry Dolores if I brought back some painful memories for you. A very sad tale.

  8. Last Word I promise: Not a painful but detached memory – donkeys years ago and we were never a hugely-entwined family. And I bizarrely brought it up after a merry Aside from you that didn`t call for it.
    You`re such a Gent, JW.
    Onto your further posts.

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