Twenty-first century wrapping procedures

All the various branches of science are continually exploring and creating new marvels for the wider world. That’s nice but I think that they should stop looking for the next best thing and improve current inventions. Naturally, scientific farmers should maintain their research into developing the rectangular potato as this would make peeling easier.

The destructive tool of beauty, the shredder, has always impressed me. This should be left alone as it does its job beautifully. Shredding utility bills has a pleasing, relaxing effect. The shredder’s computer equivalent, the recycle bin, doesn’t have the same motorised teeth appeal to it. The shredder does not give you the option to change your mind. Are you sure you want to permanently delete this blog? The shredder never asks you this. You know where you are with the shredder.

There is one small favour I would like to ask the professors of the white coats. Can they make DVD packaging a bit easier to open? Like most people, I have a burgeoning collection of DVD’s that overfills the limited space available on the shelves. Capacity is one thing, it’s the opening of these discs I find unbearable.

The elastic modulus, the yield strength, the ultimate tensile strength, and the fracture strain are all clearly exhibited in the packaging that is packed with a metallurgist’s fanaticism. The high stress point of the plastic drives me to high stress levels. My big clunky fingers can’t find the little fag wrapper bit that gives you a starty. So I turn the disc over and try to peel away at it from all angles desperately looking for a loose edge, scratching and gnawing at the perimeter of this Fort Knoxian abomination.
No joy.
I contemplate the shredder then I remember the big knife. So the big knife comes out and the little triangular corner bits on the end elevation of the cover are going to be shredded meat. Complete satisfaction is gained when I manage to make inroads into the packaging. After this, there’s only one winner and the plastic cellophane is crunched up and bowled into the bin beside its plastic pals.

(Photographs: Top left- “There goes the bill” & Middle right- “The only good piece of wrapping: Ashanti”

It is hungry work opening up DVD’s and usually I’ll have a cup of tea afterwards. The long lived and trusty old invention, the Roger Kettle boils happily and a wee cuppa goes down a treat. To compliment the tea I’ll have a few digestives. Trouble is the packet is not open. So I’m in a struggle once more with over-zealous packaging. There’s a little fiddly bit that unlocks the safe though locating it is as difficult as finding the end of the sellotape. Time for violence and the big knife rears its ugly head again. Its crumbs for the biscuits.

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7 Comments on “Twenty-first century wrapping procedures”

  1. JW, the way to deal with the plastic wrapping on DVD's is to “rip”.

  2. JW10 Says:

    We're not talking about packets of crisps here, CI. A surgeon's hands are required to open these resilient packages.
    Scalpel! 🙂

  3. Yes, you're right JW. I've tried teeth, hammer and sickle, and bunsen burner, all to no avail. That's why “ripping! or buying dodgy DVD's is so popular …

  4. Hi JW

    Fingers? Big Clunky Fingers?
    Why, You need Edward Scissorhands! PACKED with Elastic Modulus to boot…

  5. Elastic Modulus?
    What's that, Dolores?

  6. JW10 Says:

    CI. Ripping DVD's. Nice one. Took another prompt from you for me to get your quip. LOL.

    Hello Dolores,

    My son's fiance is a huge Johnny Depp fan and she has the Edward Scissorhands DVD. To generalise for a second, I think ladies are more patient than men and she probably took a leisurely time unwrapping the Depp film. Good things come to those who wait.

    While we're on the subject of tricky things to open, I must confess to being hesistant at opening cork-screwed bottles of wine. It's not that they are hard to unscrew it's more a case of fear on my part of the cork firing itself at a window and/or spilling the valuable wine on the carpet. That's why I stick to beer, clunky fingers are adept at turning ring-pulls.

  7. CI, JW said it First! In my case, Elastic Modulus is the comparative strain on the flurtle of one's gibbets post-christmas-intake.

    JW, Johnny Depp does but improve with time and films – it is indeed worth the sodding exasperating, ludicrous pointless & snarling waste of effort trying to unleash one.

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