The Ferryman Cometh

The pulverising tempest rained down on the speeding vehicle. The bonnet flapped up and down obscuring the driver’s view. Stupid Graham Bonnet, said Long Hair, while he emptied the contents of a bottle of Jameson’s down his throat. The Metal Chainsaw Show on radio 666 had just played a trilogy of evil tracks-

Rainbow- All night long
Whitesnake- Don’t mess with me
Black Sabbath- Falling off the Edge of the World

Long Hair drove blind over a sheer cliff into a drop that kicked like Johnny Cougar. With a splash his car landed on a boat that stayed buoyant after the waves had settled. He opened a new bottle of Jameson and clambered out of the car to be confronted by the oarsman of this craft: Charon.

The spectral, sinister Ferrier held out a skeletal hand; he wanted his dues. Long Hair pulled off a Megadeth metallic badge from his jacket and gave it to Charon, who could scarcely believe his luck, and his eye sockets widened in wonder. Long Hair grabbed the oar from Charon and hammered his bonnet into place by buckling the sides of the lid.

The noise brought a company of bats to shriek around the boat. Using the paddle as a bat, Long Hair went through a repertoire of strokes to hit for six the bats into the Styx: edged paddle cuts, bottom of the oar hook shots, reverse sweep cover drives.

Long Hair ended his session and it was time for Jameson’s. Charon steered the ship down the murky waters. Shifting tides of mist made evil visages of departed souls as the gloomy voyage continued at deathly pace.

“You’re as slow as Smooth Radio,” said Long Hair and he took Charon’s oar off him again. “I’ll get us across this river. You have a drink on me.”

Long Hair rowed like a demon and they got to their destination at breakneck speed. Taking back his Jameson’s from the Ferryman he fired up his hot rod and sped off into the underworld.

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4 Comments on “The Ferryman Cometh”

  1. JM Says:

    Very good, as usual JW ; so much so that I’m not inclined to mention how upsetting it is to have my expectations dashed like a bat out of hell. I mean … why no mention of a Silver Ghost with a wonky bonnet? I’ve had plenty of them in my time. But, as I said, I’m not even going to mention that.

    Also … the story is too short. I’m dying to know what happened next (but I don’t wish to die in order to find out). Whither Long Hair? Did he use his bottle of spirits to conjure up a bright future? a proper fix for his car? Come on, do tell.

  2. theroyalist Says:

    Hello Jamie,

    I’m envious that you have had not one but several Silver Ghosts. My wonky bonnets were all Escorts and Meganes. Ford Escort, for the avoidance of doubt (copyright: the other JM).

    Your concern for Long Hair is touching and I agree it is a shame to leave him in the lurch here. He said to me a la Oliver Norvell Hardy “that’s another fine mess you’ve got me into”. Once I swot up on my Dante part two will be forthcoming.


  3. Great work. I’d like to contact the artist who created the skeleton image on the river styx. Can you provide contact info?
    Art

  4. theroyalist Says:

    Hello Art.

    Thank you for the comment. I’m afraid I have no idea who the artist is. I copied the image using a google search.


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