No Scope for Horror

There was a TV programme on in the UK when I was very young that was not to be missed, it was called Play School. Every day they asked the question, which window will we look through today? You had a two to one chance of being correct and bragging rights all day if you were. Could this innocent game of chance have subsequently turned the country into rampant gamblers? Was Play School subversive?

Predictions and predictors are big business and everywhere. From the horrorscopes in your papers to the burgeoning gypsies that guess their way to money and laugh all the way to the bank. The fortune teller might say: red is a significant colour in your fate. Wild theories run riot and you hope for nothing more than a nose bleed. For sensible precautions you avoid revolving doors and bulls. A lucky or unlucky number is revealed to you signifying that luck or lack of it will start with this letter. Funnily, it’s always a common letter and never an X or a Z. Clearly, they make all this stuff up.

The charlatans come in many guises and will use any tool to wrench the cash from your hands. Take palm readers, they don’t even need to purchase a crystal ball all the equipment they use are in your hands. Well, they’re out of luck with me. As I’ve told you before I have no wrinkles and wrinkle free me has no lifeline to be read. The tea leaf readers are also shaken and strained to the ground by my imbibing habit. I only drink Tetley one-cup which-

A) Leafs no leafs
B) Leaves no leaves
C) Leafs no leaves
D) Leaves no leafs

(There’s a little multiple choice gamble for the Play School generation)

Some things are predictable and you don’t need Paul the octopus for these ones. At least one of the library books I hire today will have pages missing; probably the final ones, the Muse CD I buy will have a scratch on it and to fulfill the red prophecy I’ll bash my nose on a revolving door. Better luck hopefully and a win for the Mighty Glasgow Rangers in their Champions League tie tonight. I’ve said this since pre-Play School: Come on the Gers!

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11 Comments on “No Scope for Horror”

  1. Hi JW. Over here, they do fortune-telling by telephone…

    Obviously blessed with Very Special gifts, they will tell you (Just from the sound of your very voice), How your boss will react to that report, whether Cupid will smile upon ye today, if your toenail really IS ingrowing, and what to do about that troubling stain the cat left on the settee.

    (I've built up quite a close relationship with Madame Sandrine)…

  2. Hi JW!
    Did you hear about the fortune teller who was a midget?

    She was jailed for swindling people, but she was so small she squeezed between the bars of her cell and escaped.

    Next day there was a newspaper headline saying “Small medium at large”.

  3. JW10 Says:

    Hi Dolores,

    Somehow when you speak to someone on the phone you can guess their age by their voice. A young voice sounds different from an old one, don’t you think?
    Ga Ga Goo Goo.

    Coming soon will be a binary day that JW10 will relish. At ten minutes and ten seconds past ten on the tenth of this month the date will be-
    10/10/10 10.10.10.

    Hi C.I,
    Love it.

    I recall reading that Kelvin Mackenzie when he was editor of The Sun sacked the paper’s astrologist by a letter that began with.
    “As you will no doubt have foreseen…”

  4. JW, I always knew you were ahead of your time!

    What about 10/10/1010 10.10.10?

  5. Yes JW – they may devine from dulcet tones that I'm 97, but that would only predict an imminent tumble carrying my porridge from the kitchen. What about… The Rest?

    Hilarious Sun headline, and yours too, CI!

  6. JW10 Says:

    You’ll need to see a speech therapist, C.I, that’s a bad stutter you’ve got. You remind me of Ronnie Barker in Open All Hours as the stammering Arkwright.
    “I’ll knock t-ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten…bells out of you, Granville.”

    DD, you don’t look a day over 96.

  7. Jon Says:

    Brian Cant was my fave Play School presenter. I always felt he was the most honest of the lot of them. But I cannot comment on his physcic abilities.

  8. Ha-haah, JW – such is the benefit of Virtual communication…

  9. Expat Says:

    We have telephone psychics here, too. It seems to have become a second career for one over-the-hill singer. I wouldn't put much store by her abilities though. She couln't even find her own way to San Jose.

  10. Ho-ho Expat! I wonder who it is you're referring to…

    I have a vague memory of 'Mystic Meg' on UK TV aeons ago – a terrifying specimen of garish hues.

    She talked with treacly understanding & sympathy – just like I do when about to administer the cats' flea-splat

  11. JW10 Says:

    Thanks all for your comments,

    What a swizz that phone-a-psychic scam is. (And wish I’d thought of it first)

    Rangers won 1-0 and the answer to the question is D or B. (Or A or C)

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