From no-prizes to presents


Roars of applause greeted us on our arrival at the huge Lidl superstore. This was the venue chosen to host The Best Advertising Slogans of All-Time. With much excitement and anticipation we attended the presentation with high hopes of glory; our little ship on the edge of cyber space had been nominated in the Finance category.

A sumptuous buffet was on offer before the event including cheese and ham toasties, peanuts and flaming hot Monster Munch. We mingled amongst fellow nominees who all shared our dreams of being winners. My secretary was just glad to be out the office and away from the steep paper mountain on her desk. Yes, I took my wife out at the same time as my secretary. Who said three was a crowd?

A gong signalled the beginning of the ceremony and we sat on the wooden stools provided. The host was some unknown academic called Brian Braddock who sported a huge amulet round his neck. He fairly rifled through the categories as if he had an engagement elsewhere. The winners were-

BEVERAGES- “Sch… You know who?” – Schweppes
FOOD- “57 Varieties” – H. J. Heinz Company
HOUSEHOLD- “For hands that do dishes can feel soft as your face, with mild green Fairy Liquid” – Fairy Liquid
MOTORING- “If only everything in life was as reliabale as a Volkswagen”
TRANSPORT- “The Un-official carrier of the you-know what.” Kulula Air (very funny livery)

And then came the big one: the Finance category. All the whizz from bizz was in there with the big boys. Without blowing our trumpet too loudly, we agreed our brilliant catchphrase was a work of genius. The big envelope was opened and the winner was… “Don’t leave home without it” – American Express.

Being beaten by a plastic card was a sore one to take. Braddock had also beaten a hasty retreat, touching his amulet as he whizzed past cavorting in a costume.Wonder what bizz he’s in?

Gracious in defeat we offered our congratulations and headed home where it was champagne for the ladies and “McEwans is the best buy, the best buy, the best buy, McEwan’s is the best buyyyyyyy, the best buy….in beer.” (Should have won the beverages award) McEwans Export for me. We celebrated anyway because its JW10’s birthday. We’re one year old on the second.

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18 Comments on “From no-prizes to presents”


  1. Oh Joyously Happy 1st JW10 Birthday, JW, and Many More of your Uplifting bloggings! (please).

    I am APPALLED that you didn't win the slogan prize – obviously Fixed.

    George and mine's favourite TV ad at the moment is Compare-the-Meerkat-NOT-Compare-the-Market.com… not only for the huge appeal of the critters but also for the deeply moving historical background we are given.

    What d'you reckon?

  2. JW10 Says:

    Thankee Thee Dolores,

    Absolutely agree with you on the meerkats ads; pure slices of brilliance. “It’s a fur wound”. Priceless.

    You know, when I first started this little venture the intention was to be on serious political and economic issues, I seem to have got side tracked along the way.

    Some explanation of the blog needs done. The first post was about Marvel Comics (a subject dear to my adolescent heart) and I thought I’d pay them a small tribute on the anniversary of the whizz from bizz. Brain Braddock is the human alter-ego who by touching his amulet transforms into the little-known superhero called Captain Britain. So now you understand the waffly bit in the middle.

    Meanwhile, until we can think of something better the current loser slogan will remain.

    A piece of cake is in the mail for you.


  3. Handsome Devil, that Braddock. (lives near here, you know – always chatty in the post office)…

    I'm amazed you intended to be Hard Business – must delve back (if our rather tricky visitors ever depart).

    Jolly glad you plumped for Bright Hilarity instead. And Can't Wait for my cake!


  4. Hi JW!
    I like cake too, so I'd like to second Dolores, especially if there are seconds of cake. There are seconds, aren't there?

    In the latter part of my career as a paid employee, I entered a product for an industry award – and it won the gold award. The funny thing about this was that the judges were a bunch of lazy dumbos, and fell for my presentation hook, line, and sinker. The product didn't exist!

    I retired very shortly afterwards…
    🙂


  5. Smooth Talker as always, CI!

    Are you related to the tailor of 'The King's New Clothes'?
    And did you retire to give after-dinner Talks on the Tweaking of Perception? (doing any near here)?

    I'll wager you do after-dinner talks too, JW… ?

  6. Expat Says:

    since I write marketing copy, among other things, for a living,slogans and tag lines are near and dear to my heart. Reading a good catch phrase can lift my spirits all day. Better yet is creating one. I am immensely proud that one tag line I dreamed up is still used on every piece of my previous employer's advertising…12 years on.

    I would tell you what it is but since it's specific to geotechnical (underground)construction it wouldn't sound at all clever to you.

    Generally, TV advertising over here is not that clever. There is one series of outstanding ads where the tag line is “It's so easy, a caveman could do it.” The main characters are uber-sophisitcated, very well-dressed cavemen who take umbrage at the slogan. Problem is, the ads themselves are so good that I can't for the life of me remember what the product is!

  7. JW10 Says:

    Dolores,

    The problem is I know nothing about economics etc. I was thinking of starting an alternative blog about science, another subject I’m clueless about. Science is all made up stuff anyway so I’d be right at home.

    C.I,

    I’ve a mental image of you bamboozling the judges with your sweet talking. Pity the poor souls who entered after much thought and effort with their product. You’ve brought a new meaning to the phrase “You can’t get something for nothing.”

    Expat,

    Well done with your catchy timeless slogan. I used to enter competitions where you had a limited amount of words to write why you liked a certain product. Try as I might with my wondrous, rhyming couplets I never won any. And even if you twist my arm, making me scream for my mammy, I won’t be revealing my losing entries.


  8. Expat, it doesn't surprise me that slogans are yet another successful side to your writing. And I'm Certain that tag line Would sound extremely clever!

  9. JW10 Says:

    Today is the birthday of somebody else who we all admire greatly. He would have been 64 today.
    Freddie Mercury was born on September 5th 1946.

  10. Anonymous Says:

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  11. Happy (belated) birthday JW.

    My fave of all time was “Just one cornetto….”

    I sing it all the time.

    But they were made in Slough. Not Italy.


  12. Hey, JW and Dolores! I was only a cheat by accident in winning that gold award!

    You see, I had to provide a written submission of the product design months in advance of the Award ceremony. But my employers broke their promise to me to do the necessary development work in time for the ceremony.

    So I'm still the same sweet, innocent, honest and utterly endearingly modest chap you always knew.
    🙂


  13. Feddie 64,! Bet he'd still be rippling pulsatingly!

    CI – Of course it was by accident – One would never have thought other, you Sweet Thing!


  14. A discourse from another place…

    Dolores, I've got a big problemo. (sorry about the Spanish, but that's the way folk talk in these parts, and I like melding).

    The problemo is this. Our mate JW has posted a blog with a picture of the supermarket LIDL in it. And I've just discovered that the newly opened LIDL here in Tenerife is doing a special offer of Scotch Whisky tomorrow. The price for a Fine Old Queen Margot 70cl bottle will be 3.99euro (or £3.32).

    Should I tell him? 🙂
    September 8, 2010 7:41 PM

    ———————————-

    Blogger Dolores Doolittle said…

    Hi CI-finely-melded, Yes, JW Should be told! Whatever a 'fine old queen margot' is, I'm sure he can handle it with care and sensibleness.
    September 8, 2010 9:26 PM

    —————————====

    Hey JW!
    Come swimming in our pool!
    With family!
    You know it makes sense!
    🙂


  15. where have the piccies gone? Because I'm looking specially gorgeous today…

  16. JW10 Says:

    Hello everyone,

    Sorry for being slogan (ouch!) in replying. Too much cake.

    The perfect antidote will be a bottle of Margot (for a dastardly second I thought you said Marmot). I will try to smuggle myself over to Tenerife by wrapping myself up in the portion of cake apportioned for C.I.

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