Emperor of the East

A sinister fog descended on the speeding car inducing large flakes of snow. Long Hair, the driver tried desperately to tune his stereo to the Metal Chainsaw show on radio 666. He thumped the dashboard to no avail as the radio was stuck on channel 1812: Klassische Schnitte. Swigging his Jameson and oblivious to the snow storm outside long Hair heard the announcer say the last three pieces of music were-

Beethoven- Piano Concerto#5
1. Allegro
2. Adagio un poco moso
3. Rondo: Allegro ma non troppo

Soon the road was pure winter and everything was white in the world. The drunken motorist refused to lift his foot off the accelerator and ploughed through the blizzard to the sounds of Moonlight Sonata.

The ghosts of Borodino rose from their graves. Uniforms stained with blood and fragments of cuirasses hurled themselves at the vehicle. Skeletal death masks rattled into the windscreen. Ice enveloped the interior giving the cabin a coffin like appearance. Long Hair flicked the icicle dripping curls off his face and bludgeoned the grimacing car onto a frozen lake.

Racing over the lake, the ice was breaking behind him splitting in frightful cracks. One wrong wheel and he would plunge into a watery chasm, a Waterloo of sorts; the fate that was befalling the wailing spirits that pursued him. Crying with anguish the dead were dying again in an icy doom. Knocking back another Jameson’s with a belch, Long hair made it onto the rainy motorway leaving the Hell of the East in his wake.

“I must be one of Napoleon’s lucky generals.” He shouted. “Nay, the luckiest.”

The broadcaster on radio 1812 said that next up is Beethoven’s third symphony, the Eroica. This was initially to be dedicated to Bonaparte but Ludwig van had second thoughts and recoiled in horror at the exploits of the little dictator. Long Hair shrugged his dandruff ridden shoulders and sped into the worsening downpour.

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3 Comments on “Emperor of the East”

  1. JM Says:

    JW, as I see it, Long-eared Hare has no choice but to return to the frozen waste and pick up the survivors of his mad piper jape of luring them to their icy baths. Phantoms don’t die, so he should rescue all of them if he plays some cool music like the Dance of the Icing-sugar Plum Fairy.

    He really should think of getting a new car – one that responds to belting the dashboard. He should give up the Jameson as well ; most undignified for a Beethoven fan.

  2. theroyalist Says:

    Methinks you are starting to take a shine to Long Hair, Jamie; after all it was you who suggested he listen to Beethoven. Your concern for his phantom acquaintances is touching although I think the boy likes to run solo. The ghouls are better off without him.

    The car is badly in need of repair and probably runs on Jameson. One day when I’m flush I’ll have to buy a bottle and see what all the fuss is about.

  3. JM Says:

    I know a Dubliners song about this “There’s Whiskey in the Car.”


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