The Insect Strikes back

Billy Firth and Two-can Thomson are not very bright students. Their contemporaries jest they can’t count to seven.  After a day at college on their way homeward Billy sees a moth fluttering in front of him. Wildly he helicopters his arms to try to rotor this nuisance away to no avail. The moth expands its wingspan and continues to annoy the young man. With a lucky punch Billy catches the moth and it spins in a circular arc like Darth Vader’s TIE ship at the end of Star Wars 1 or was it Star Wars 4? It’s confusing the way Lucas jumbled the series up. Anyway the moth is off to fight another day.

“You shouldn’t have done that. He might have a big brother or a nasty dad.” said Two-can.

“Get real, TC. You’ve been reading too much pulp fiction again.” said Billy. “Besides it’s not as if the moth will have an elephantine dad.”

That night after polishing off a few cans of lager and finishing the previous evening’s curry complete with  maggot infested rice Billy hears a knock at the door. He unbolts the lock and the door is violently opened from the outside. Standing in front of Billy is a giant moth. This moth is a good eight foot tall and Billy notices it looks the same as the one he battered today. (Or do all moths look the same?)

“Did you hit my boy today?” shouts the huge insect in Billy’s face.

Billy thinks he’s dreaming as this is verging on the ridiculous. He’s facing a Grand moth talking in perfect English. Billy’s studious nature appears and he ponders on some variables. Can Spanish speaking moths communicate with British speaking moths? Have they the same customs? Is there a moth union?

“I think you did. You’ve got guilt written all over your forehead.” continues the mothster.

Billy checks his look in a nearby mirror and sees the reflection of his wavy hair with no sign of print anywhere. This moth is full of…


The moth banjoes Billy right in the mouth and five teeth go flying through the air. Billy is unperturbed as he has been brought up to believe that like the limb renewal powers of a salamander they grow back in again.  Then the giant moth plants a Glasgow kiss on Billy’s head but as the boy has sowed no brain cells his grey matter is unreaped.

“That’s it, I know your weakness.” yells the angry moth.

Using every ounce of energy in his body the winged avenger unleashes a thunderbolt kick between Billy’s legs. What George Lucas would call a trench run mission missile fired into the exhaust port of the main reactor. Fans more commonly know it as the weak spot in the Death Star.

However there was no explosion of pain, no doubling up of the body, in fact Billy stood stock still nonplussed.

“By the Moons of Tatooine! Have you got a force field down there?” asks the moth.

“No mothy, it’s something stronger. I have my steel drawers on today.”

The Grand moth politely closed the door on the way out and walked away with a limp.

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8 Comments on “The Insect Strikes back”

  1. Pseu Says:

    Hello from over there.


  2. theroyalist Says:

    Hello Pseu,

    I use this site to post my more “outlandish” stuff. My doctor says it’s healthy for me as they are better out than in.


  3. Pseu Says:

    Always better out than in. Better leave it out, I say.


  4. Pseu Says:

    BTW I like the look of your blog, but find the white on black a little difficult to read….particularly on my Netbook.

    Must be me age, or summat

  5. theroyalist Says:

    Not your age, Pseu, I also find it hard to read and I’m…23. 😉
    I experimented with a few colours but as this is a “horror” blog It’s got to be dark; pink just wouldn’t be apt, dontcha fink? I will look at other themes to see if they are more pleasing on the eye.
    The uncreative writing will remain as dire as ever.

  6. John Mackie Says:

    Hi, JW.

    Spotted you on Bearsy’s other blogroll. Outlandish as you say, but fun. Keep them coming.

    Conflicted about whether you should lose to the Arabs in the replay or not. Sole purpose of voyage is to ensure that Hibees do not win the Cup yet again and don’t trust the ‘c’-worders to do it in the semi (did WW get the reference, by the way?). So may have to hope you win to stop them in the Final.

    On the bright side, Ross County could do it for me but that’s not much better. Dad came from Invergordon, played for Inverness Clach and hated the Dingwall scum. He was also a Hun, but I forgave him.

  7. theroyalist Says:

    Hello John,

    Like the Indians or more geographically precise, the Aborigines, I was here before Bearsy. I was basking in anonymity unloved, unread and reasonably happy. Now I will have to try harder.

    The Arabs as you well know were originally called Dundee Hibernian so you can’t be too fond of them either. That leaves you one option and that is to follow follow your dad’s team.

    It was on Sabina’s blog I was foaming at the mouth. She thought it might have been cricket! I think everybody loves Sabina and rightly so. She is a gem.

  8. Pseu Says:

    Ew, different. But not a hen

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